Fan interactions can be a bit of a love/hate relationship. Obviously, you need fans in order to be successful. But sometimes they can require a lot of attention, which you may not have the bandwidth for. However, giving your fans personal attention doesn’t have to be a daunting chore. With a little “training,” you can teach fans how to interact in a way that keeps them feeling connected to you, but doesn’t cost you valuable time and energy.


The more exposure you have, the more opportunities there are for fans to find you. That’s why most content creators are on a variety of platforms and social media sites. But this can lead fans to try contacting you in five different ways. It’s like a friend who really wants to talk to you about something, so they send you a message on Telegram, then a text, then an email and finally end up calling you if you’re not responsive. You’ll wind up having to follow the conversation across each medium! Who has the time or patience for that? The key to heading off this kind of situation is directing your fans, right from the start, on exactly how they should go about reaching you.

Let fans know from the start what is and isn’t tolerated, and that your DMs and pages are a space for creativity, inclusion and positivity.

This can be as simple as having an introduction or greeting on all your platforms that provides clear, detailed instructions on how fans can get in touch and what they should expect when they do. Make this part of your welcome messages to new subscribers on each platform and save it as a pinned message where you can. This message should include a greeting, but also clarify that for private conversations, you can be reached on such-and-such platform. You basically want to direct the fans to talk to you where you can earn money.

If you’re on SFW socials, it’s a good idea to close your DMs so that fans don’t try to start a conversation with you there. You don’t want your Instagram and Twitter DMs flooded with people whom you feel obligated to reply to. Instead, they can see your intro message with something as simple as “Chat me up on Platform X anytime Monday through Friday!” Doing this limits their options — for instance, no weekends in the above example — and frees you to scroll as much as you want without constantly being barraged with pings because people can see you are online.


It’s great to be open to fan interactions, but it can be tricky dealing with different personalities, especially if you’re not a confrontational person. Fortunately, most of your fans are likely to be kind, though some may be shy and nervous about getting to chat with you. After all, they’ve seen you in the most intimate of ways!

If you do encounter negative interactions, try to reframe these to become teachable moments. You want your fans to feel welcome, but you also need them to respect your page and your work. You get to decide what the boundaries are.

Since people often mirror one another in their interactions, being polite and kind is the best way to set the tone on your pages and “train” your fans to respect that. Let fans know from the start what is and isn’t tolerated, and that your DMs and pages are a space for creativity, inclusion and positivity.

If a fan wants to complain about a video you posted, try not to get defensive. Instead, ask what they’d prefer. If it’s something that you can do, turn this into an opportunity to get them to purchase a custom video, or direct them to content you may already have that fits that niche. Or kindly tell the fan that you appreciate their feedback, but that you create content that you like and sometimes that’s different from what they want. Give them the opportunity to be heard and to course-correct. More often than not, they’ll appreciate you responding to them with kindness and will redirect the conversation.


What if a fan decides they don’t need to be polite? You don’t want to go off on them entirely, because there’s a lot of places now where fans can leave reviews and post these interactions. It’s a balance between being assertive and being a jerk. You want to stand up for yourself, but let them be the jerk instead of coming down to their level. Remind your fans that this is your livelihood and that they need to respect your space and your rules.

When you encounter these fans, practice saying, “I don’t think this is the place for you; hopefully you’ll find something better suited to your needs. Be well!” A response like this protects you. In being kind but making it clear that this is not what your space is for, you safeguard your brand and your reputation. A response like this will convince most rude fans to change their tune and backtrack. Some fans may even tip you as an apology!


I also suggest maintaining a “two strikes and you’re out” policy. For a first offense, you get a warning to behave. If you do it again, you’re out. Blatant abuse is always an instant block. Some people think because you’re a content creator that they can say anything they want, but we all know that the answer to that is a giant “Hell, no!”

You can try to educate these fans about how to interact with you, or even just with women in general, but that is not your job. You have no obligation to tolerate abusive behavior. There is a reason you have the option to block people, so use it! This can also serve as an object lesson for others. Screenshot the interaction, blur out any personal information such as usernames and post these encounters on your wall as a warning that you have a zero-tolerance policy for such behavior.

Remember, this is your space. You make the rules. Just because a fan paid to subscribe does not mean you are their doormat. Be kind and polite and welcoming, but also be strong — and be ready, from the start, to show them who’s boss.

Megan Stokes is a co-founder of NMG Management, the premier content distribution and management firm. A veteran of the adult industry, she has proven to be an endless well of knowledge and is a collector of data that she gladly shares with those who seek her help.